connie's space

          The visit to Nanning these past few days was a successful one.

          Tuesday morning had me at the health clinic, my money and photos in hand for the 3rd time to visit in 3 years. 

Guangxi Province's Entry-Exit Inspection and Quarantine clinic in Nanning.

            I was happy to see all my old favorite doctors on duty as usual.  My eye exam was one which started to  concern me just a tad because I had forgotten to bring my glasses.  I did have my glasses’ prescription tucked away in my purse, which definitely proved handy.

          “I forgot my glasses,” I told Dr. Wang when I sat down for the eye exam.  “Here’s my US prescription, though.”

           Dr. Wang looked at it, said it would be just fine and marked me down as having perfect vision.  No reading the “E”s. No “right or left?” from the chart. Just perfect vision without the test.  (Wish all my doctors did that.)
           One test I didn’t get dismissed from was the color test.  Last year, I was reported to have “green feebleness” when trying to decipher letters from a bunch of colored dots on a paper.  But this year, I managed to figure out there was a “B” and an “A” located in all that jumbled mess.   My health certificate booklet now states I have normal eyesight this time around, without the feebleness.

            Another change from last year is that I’ve grown heavier and taller.  The scales/height machine put me at 2 pounds more than last year and 2 centimeters taller.   Personally speaking, I’d rather drop the 2 pounds but I sure will take the 2 centimeters taller!  I’m short enough as it is.

           My EKG buddy was as always in her usual place on the 3rd floor.  Dr. Li Yue Mei (李月梅）remembered me and was very pleased to receive my yearly May Day photo.  In that short time period we were together, I learned I had actually made a mistake about her age from last year.  She wasn’t 60.  She’s 70!

           To show all my friends back home how well a Chinese doctor can age, she gave me permission to take her photo.    I’ve included it here for your own analysis.  Does she look 70 to you?

Dr. Li. Wouldn't you like to look this great at 70?

             One change in routine to our exams dealt with our chest X-rays.

            It seems our clinic is going green. Instead of having in-hand X-rays taken, wasting precious and difficult-to-recycle X-ray film to read later on in the day, our doctor sat directly at the computer, maneuvered the machine around the chest and read the results right there.    He signed off immediately on our charts, which we then took downstairs for final processing.

            Now that was great service for us and the environment.
            The speedy certificate issuing has likewise been updated to even more speedy.  Instead of waiting 1 day, we now have the option of same-day certificates which are released in the afternoon at 5 p.m.  I took the same-day certificate as it was only $5 more because I didn’t want to bother returning the next day.

             So all in all, everything worked out great for my 3 days away.

I passed! My 2011 health certificate on the left; the newly approved 2012 on the right. Yes, I'm ready for another year of teaching in China.

 A Holiday Approaches            

                Back in Longzhou, we are actually getting ready for yet another holiday, International Labor Day which falls on May 1st.  Make-up classes will be this Saturday and then we’ll have a 3-day break.  I’ll be back to Nanning as always for more pool swims and sits in the public park, returning on Wednesday.  After that, it’s all down-hill as students get ready for the end of the school year to come.  My testing will begin all of May and June for my 2nd years (teaching lessons in groups to the class) and then all of June for my 1st years. 

              Closing off for now and wishing you Ping An (peace), as always, for your day.

            Whether I stay in Longzhou this next year or head off for a new placement, one thing’s for certain:  It’s time for the yearly Chinese health exam, required for all new or renewed visas for foreign experts. (That’s me, by the way.)
            Years ago, when I first came to China, we had just one health check and that was pretty much good for your stay in China for years.  But schools are now required to buy health insurance for their foreign teachers so a new rule came into effect.   Foreigners were required to go  to a local hospital to have the basics done:  EKG, blood and urine analysis, liver check, eyes and ears, and lung X-ray.  Any communicable diseases were cause for alarm and would be treated before another check was done again to make sure all was well.                                                        

              We still have the same exams but this time, each province has created a special health check clinic for those going abroad or those staying in China.  It falls under the government’s Entry-Exit Inspection and Quarantine.  The document itself is called the Health Certificate for International Travelers.   

I Have What??!!

              My first health check at such a clinic was in Chengdu, 7 years ago.  We registered at the front desk, paid our 280 yuan ($33 at that time), produced 2 photo head shots and off we went to the second floor.  There, we whisked through different stations with different doctors and different exams.  It was a very quick, efficient process and took 45 minutes.  3 days later, we returned to receive an official certificate which indicated if we were healthy and fit for duty.

              Interestingly enough, the Chengdu exam resulted in a snaffu of sorts.  When I returned  to pick up my certificate, I assumed I was healthy and ready for another visa application but instead, I was told to sit and wait.  Another blood draw was taken and then I was ushered into a dark, back storage room by a very nervous young doctor.  I wasn’t quite sure what was happening until he sat me down and apprehensively looked at my bloodwork.

            “Is something wrong?” I asked. Now I was getting nervous!

             “Uhm, there is a little problem,” he began in my language.

              He paused, trying to formulate his English words. Obviously, he was out of practice at this sort of thing.  Poor guy probably was wishing he’d paid more attention in his English medical terminology class he took in college.  I was even wondering if the clinic doctors had drawn straws to see which one would confront the foreigner about whatever it was they were obviously hesitant to talk about.

              My young man took a deep breath.

             “It seems you perhaps, maybe have . . . syphilis.”

              Syphilis?!!  I have syphilis?!
              No wonder he pulled me into the storage room for privacy.  I could just imagine other foreigners becoming irrate and causing a huge fuss, accusing the Chinese doctors and lab techs of ineptitude and stupidity.  (Yes, I have seen foreigners act that way.  It’s very embarrassing.)

              My immediate reaction was one of surprise, and then an open chuckle. 

            “I think there’s some mistake.  That’s impossible,” I replied.

             “It’s a very simple thing to cure,” my physician went on with great authority, not believing me at all.  My lighthearted, relaxed attitude had obviously boosted his confidence.  “We have medicine for this.  I can write it for you today and you can take it for 4 weeks.  After that, you can come back and we will test again.”

              “That sounds all very nice,” I said, “but I really can’t have syphilis.  I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t have relationships.  I don’t have sex.”

                He eyed me with skepticism.

              “No . . . little sex?” he piped up with a boyish grin.

               I suppressed my rising irritation.

              “No,” I intoned.    “No little sex. No big sex.  Just no sex.” 

                He frowned and thought a moment.

              “Have you touched someone with open sores?  You can get syphilis from open sores.  Shaking hands.  Have you been shaking hands, maybe with a beggar?” 

              “No.  No shaking hands with open sores and beggars,” I answered.  “But  I do go swimming every day.  Can I get syphilis from swimming?”

              He scoffed at my remark and adamantly shook his head.

               “Oh, no, no!  No syphilis from swimming.”

               The two of us sat in silence. We had reached a stand-still.

               Finally,  my young doctor suggested we wait 3 days for the second blood test analysis.  After that, I could return to see the results and we’d go from there.

               I left fully convinced that my return in a few days would  result in a negative reading.  But as impossible as it seemed for me to have syphilis, there was a petrified part of me that wondered if by some weird, bizarre, quirky happening, I actually did have it.  My mind was racing —   I’d never get my visa renewed in time! I’d go on record with the government as having an STD, which would eventually get back to my school!  A foreign teacher’s affairs are always big news on a small campus and spread like wildfire. I could just imagine my students whispering:  “Will our beloved Connie be teaching us next year?  I heard she has . . .  syphilis!”

             It was the longest 3 days of my life.  When I finally returned to the clinic, I hesitantly walked through the doors.  I approached the counter, handed over my passport as ID and held my breath while the woman glanced at my name.  She went digging through a pile of papers, pulled out one of them and handed it over to me. 

              My certificate!  I passed!  Hallelujah!
              Obviously, I’m one of those rare few who test positive for a syphilis STD test even though I don’t have it.  A different, more detailed analysis was administered the second time and turned up negative, leaving me in the clear. 

Off to Nanning This Week

               So now it’s time once again to head off to the provincial clinic for another health exam.  This time, it’s inNanning and will be my 3rd time to have this done here.  The cost is now 300 yuan ($50) with an extra $5 for a speedy, 2-day processing fee if you wish.  I’ve already changed my classes around so I can do this.  I’ll be leaving tomorrow afternoon (Monday), have the test on Tuesday morning, pick up my results on Thursday and return to teach on Friday.  

            The Nanning clinic is quite spiffy and, as in Chengdu, is a fast 45 minutes at most to get through all the examining rooms.  I am actually quite friendly with the staff there, especially my EKG doctor.  When I first was examined by her, she admired my sports bra and commented on my athletic figure.  I told her that I enjoy swimming every day to keep fit.  She then pulled out her tennis racket and a ball which she batted around the room to show me how she keeps in shape.  Seems there are a lot of slow days without much going on and that’s how she spends her time in between EKGs.

           “I’m almost 60 years old,” my spry doctor announced proudly.

             Last year, I gave her one of my May Day holiday pictures which I give the students every year.  It was a photo of me holding Little Flower with our Longzhou stone bridge in the background.  This year, I’ll be taking the 2012 May Day picture as well to give to her.  Just a small thank you from me for her tireless work  at the clinic. 

           My vast China experience has taught me that it’s always good to have friends in high places, especially those who are in charge of approving your in-country health certificate.   After all, you never know what wacky, unexpected something might turn up on your annual physical charts.    I’ve already had syphilis. Who knows what might be next? 

               From Longzhou, China, here’s wishing you Ping An (Peace) for your week.

          In my English Education classes, we’ve been talking about our US educational system’s hottest topics.  The one that has most recently hit the danger zone is bullying. It happens everywhere in the world, in all walks of life and in every social circle.  This is nothing new except for the fact that with our modernized equipment, bullying becomes a bit more than just encountering a person and harassing them.  Now we have never-ending computer network connections — Facebook, chatlines, Twitter, emails, not to mention the cellphone, capable of sending continuous hurtful voice mails or text messages. 

            A person can now be bullied 24-7 by either a single person or a group.

            But among students here in China, bullying still seems to take the traditional approach – up front and in-your-face. 

            Interestingly enough, it’s not primary or secondary schools where you see a lot of this going on.  Students in those age groups are too busy studying or being closely watched and supervised by both teachers and parents to truly cause a lot of damage.  Young folk here also tend to pay more attention to rules and regulations as stipulated by their educational environments and close family circles.

            But in colleges and vocational schools, where students are far from and free from close adult supervision and monitoring, the true bullying begins. 

 The College Situation in China

            Over the years, I’ve heard heart wrenching stories from several of my students about dorm mates or classmates causing them grief and misery via verbal abuse, stealing, and even in some cases physical violence. 

            Getting away from this kind of bullying is quite difficult.

            Similar to US grade schools, college students here stay together in the same classroom all the time and move together throughout their college years as an entire class.   The courses are set by the university.  Everyone follows the curriculum of their major without any ability to select their own subjects or teachers. This is for the entire 3 or 4 years until they graduate. 

            So if you’re not getting along with students in your class, you’re stuck with them no matter what.

            Same difficulty arises in the dormitory.

            A majority of college kids also have their same classmates as their dorm roommates as well.  The school likes to keep students who study the same majors in the same living environment.   They assign freshmen to live together from their first day to their last day of college life. Rarely is there a mixing of majors or classmates in the housing situation.

            Changing rooms?

           Well, in China, changing dorm rooms can be difficult depending on the college.  At our school, it demands special written permission from a departmental dean as well as the housing supervisor’s O.K. Getting that permission is not easy and is often frowned upon.  Some dorm supervisors in China  are more sympathetic to room changes if they hear the full story but our housing leader here is not too keen on allowing the switches to take place.  He fears if one student changes, they’ll all want to change over simple misunderstandings.  Mostly, he encourages students to grin and bear it:   “Toughen up!  Learn some life lessons about being in the real world!  Work together as one. That’s what college is all about.”

 How Do Chinese College Teachers Deal with the Bullying Problem?

             As a foreign teacher, I am especially concerned and saddened when I hear from my students that they are being picked on.  Many suffer in silence and don’t even report such things to their favorite Chinese teacher or their class head teacher.  (Every college class is assigned a head Chinese teacher.  That teacher is in charge of many duties, such as informing them of college policies, helping with emergency absence leaves, advising on personal difficulties or life problems, and reprimanding if a student misbehaves.)

           Most students are concerned their Chinese teachers might tell others of their bullying problems, which they fear will make things worse.  They’re probably right.  The Chinese have little practice or understanding about dealing with such issues from a Western standpoint.  They like to confront the bullies and yell at them, trying to shame them into being nice.

            Most likely, bullies are bullies because that’s what has been done to them for so many years – parents hitting them for being inadequate, relatives chastising them for their poor study habits, friends in grade school or high school poking fun at them for some reason or other.  Making disturbed students feel worse only exacerbates the problem. 

            Most Chinese teachers go through the “grin and bear it” sympathetic lecture.  They don’t give many alternative ways of getting around the bullies or how to handle it aside from ignore them.  Ignoring can sometimes work but if a bully is especially persistent, or has friends to back him or her up, ignoring often doesn’t help.

 The Safety Zone of the Foreigner

           Students do go to Chinese teachers with their problems, but many times, it’s the foreigner who ends up being the confidant.  There is great safety in us.  We won’t go off tattling to other teachers or students.  We have a different cultural perspective of the situation and can give unique advice.  Most of all, we offer a safe place to talk.  Coming to the foreign teacher’s home, without anyone knowing about the visit or anyone listening in on the conversation, creates an atmosphere of trust and comfort.  

            I guarantee every well-loved foreign teacher in China will tell you about students who come to them with problems. It might be family difficulties, study worries, future job anxieties . . . and always, in that long list of student woes, there’ll be episodes of bullying.

Tales of Bullying

           Students who come to me with bullying problems are usually 1^st years who get over their difficulties quite quickly.  Either misunderstandings occur between new classmates and are later solved or some sort of truce is reached.  Sometimes the bullies themselves change.  After adjusting to the college environment, and becoming involved in activities or special events, they lose that need to make others feel inferior and take on a new, refreshing persona.

          Those kinds of tales are the majority I’ve dealt with, always with happy endings.

           But a current situation is one which truly worries me.

           While rarely do my students read my website, and I doubt if the bullies ever would, I’ll just change the English name of this particular student I’m about to talk about so as no one can track him down.  (The photos of him I included are safe here.  In China, all my photos are blocked by the server.)

            I’ll call him Jeffry, one of my second year students majoring in English Education.

Jeffry, seen here in the front row.

 The Story of Jeffry

           Jeffry is one of those special young men who is not your typical Chinese guy for our area of the country.  I only have 18 boys out of my 250 students, the rest being girls.  Of those 18 boys, 13 are your typical big Guangxi farm kids.  They’re tall, muscular, sun-browned, very much into sports (not so much into studying),  and quite popular among the girls due to their good looks.

           Jeffry, on the other hand, is very short and small.  He has different facial features than the southern rugged males which set him apart from the handsome crowd.  He has a high forehead and ears that stick out in a rather odd way. He is very studious and enjoys quietly reading books or being by himself, not qualities that Chinese society (oriented toward togetherness and unity) find very appealing.   His parents are not countryside farmers but fruit sellers in the big city, Yulin. Jeffry’s lifestyle and upbringing have therefore been that of someone from the city.  He has a different perspective of life because of this.  He’s more cultured, has been exposed to more worldly things and has been brought up with better manners than the countryside folk.  He is also sensitive and a deep thinker, which make him an easy target for people to hurt.

            Jeffry’s roommates are all in my class together.  There are 6 of them in a small dorm room, crammed with bunkbeds and flimsy wooden school desks. 

            The first semester, they got along fairly well together.  Everyone was new to college life, which seemed exciting, different and full of freedom.  Adjustments had to be made to live together but for the most part, everyone was willing to do that.

            The second semester, things started to fall apart. 

The first year, before the harrassing truly began, everyone is getting along. Here all my male classmates from all classes are making IWD favors for the girls, Jeffry and his farm boy roomies included. (I won't point out the offending boys. Sorry. You'll just have to live without knowing where they are in this photo.)

 The Harassing Begins

          College became mundane and boring.  The  farm boys in the dorm bought cheap laptops with the money from their Chinese New Year hong baos (red envelopes).  Jeffry’s purchase with his New Year gifts had been a Chinese manufactured i-book.

            The farm boys began to pull all-nighters, playing games on their personal laptops or yakking loudly to hometown friends on their cell phones late into the night.    There was little regard for anyone else in the room.

             When it came time to pay the extra money required due to overusing their electricity limit, the laptop boys refused to pay.   They wanted the money to be split evenly among everyone in the room, even though just 2 of them were responsible for the high bill.  Jeffry was the only one to stand up to them and say that just the 2 should pay the bulk of the utility money owed. 

              Things spiraled from there. 

               The farm boys insisted Jeffry was rich because he lived in the city.  They were poor.  He could pay the sum needed more than they. 

               Jeffry ignored them. 

            Eventually, the school turned off their room’s electricity.  After 2 weeks of stubbornly refusing to pay on everyone’s part, along with the room being plunged into darkness, the head teacher stepped in.  The result was that the 2 farm boys won.  Everyone was forced to chip in an equal amount to get the electricity turned back on.  

            Retaliation was next in order to get back at Jeffry for his comments about not paying the electricity bill.  The bullies started making daily nasty remarks about Jeffry’s appearance – his head was too big, his ears were weird-looking, his forehead was odd.  Soon, they began using his things (washcloth, soap, shampoo) or just stealing them.  They’d leave the door open when it was cold outside and refuse to allow Jeffry to close it.  They threw their trash directly on the floor, then wouldn’t  sweep it up.  This began to attract the rats who visited on a regular basis.

             When Jeffry complained, they told him to clean it up himself if he cared so much and they picked on him even more.  It became so bad that Jeffry stopped coming back to the dormitory until after 10 p.m.  He’d just spend all his spare time in the library, not wanting to return to the dorm.

              He tried numerous times to change his room but the dorm supervisor refused.  He even tried asking permission to rent a room outside of the school but that is forbidden and was likewise turned down.

The Current Situation

           This semester has only gotten worse, according to Jeffry’s emails to me and his visits.  He comes when he’s tired of being in the library, waiting to return to the room to quickly go to bed without any confrontations from the bullies. 

            One email came 2 weeks ago:

            Connie, I must be mad and sad. Yesterday I bought a tortoise and feed it in my room. Do you remember that I have told you the relationship between me and roommates is bad? Now my baby was disappeared in the morning at 8:00. That time I bought it till disappeared only 18 hours. I had looked it everywhere but not showed up.  How bad they are stole my baby and I saw the bad guy in my room was smiling while I was looking.  He stayed in the room all day, watching me. Maybe the animal is die. I do not mind how much money I`ve cost to buy it. It is a life, a little life belong to the tortoise. We should not  kill any life due to a bad relationship, even murder. Now I can not find it.  Maybe it was murdered by the bad guy. That is my fault. I should not buy it and feed it in my room.  It will have a good life if I were not bought it.

            Like I said before, Jeffry is a sensitive young man.  The loss of his pet really hit him hard, as you can see from his emotional email. Naturally, I quickly sent a reply email to console him.  His words struck home for me, especially as I lost my little dog not so long ago.  For those of us by ourselves, emotional attachments to little creatures can grow quite strong, even with a turtle.

        The next day, Jeffry came to my home to talk more about this.  In his book bag, he had brought his Net cable line, which had been cut.  It seems the bullies had been at it again.

          We had a good talking session sitting on my couch, drinking cola and eating snacks.  I tried not to let on how upset I was with students of mine behaving in such a horrible manner.  A few of those boys in Jeffry’s class  cause me trouble as well with their snotty attitude.  They yawn openly and loudly in class.  They roll their eyes at me.  They sigh if they are asked to partner with someone for conversation practice.  They arrive late, whisper to one another and text their friends during my lessons.

          To calm my growing irritation, I always jokingly say to myself, “Ah, Connie, welcome to junior high!”

          If they want to dis me, that’s one thing but continuously bullying one of their own, and my student none-the-less, is another.

Time to Step In

             I realize Jeffry had no desire for me to step in on this one.  It would only make things worse but I thought I could perhaps make the attitude of our misguided farm boys a bit less abrasive. Obviously, they are unhappy in their lives and having me confront them, either in or out of the classroom, wouldn’t be the solution.

        My father has a good saying about bullies:  “Kill’em with kindness.”

        So I’ve been doing just that.

        I started last week, praising our bullies for doing their homework, answering questions well, paying attention in class.  They were little things to boost their self-esteem and make them feel worthy of being there.  I’ve already noticed their mood has brightened under this positive attention.  They aren’t quite so sour in class or unwilling to do things.

        I also have begun discussions on how to help students in our classrooms who are being bullied by other students.  Since this is an English Education class, all of these young people will be teachers one day. Next semester, they will be going on teaching practice (student teaching) to nearby schools.  They should understand about bullying and how it affects others so they can deal with it in the school environment.

          We’ve had some very good lessons generating ideas why students bully, how to understand where they are coming from and how to help both those bullied and those doing the bullying.  Amazingly enough, some of the best ideas have come from those farm boys causing Jeffry so much trouble.

Is It Helping?

          Is this strategy working at all?  

         Jeffry hasn’t reported any more damage done to his things but that doesn’t mean it won’t start up again.  To truly change someone can’t be done overnight, if it can be done at all, but I am trying.

         I suppose only time will tell.  Watch this space for updates and I’ll keep you informed about any more positive happenings from this end.

         Until next time, here’s wishing you Ping An (peace) for your day.

         “When little dogs leave us, they leave the biggest holes in our hearts.”

           That’s what my friend wrote to me the other day.  She was trying to make me feel better because my hole currently seems unimaginably bottomless.

           After 10 years of companionship, Little Flower has left me behind on a journey which now has her frolicking in greener fields than those in this world.

           It was very sudden, with little warning. After my winter break, where she remained at her sitter’s for 4 weeks, we were back together again and it was a happy reunion for us both.  We had finally returned to Longzhou.   She and I were having a wonderful Saturday together.  We went for a walk.  We cuddled on the couch.  She entertained my regular teenage visitors, Joe and Tom, when they came for a visit.  In fact, I snapped her last photo with the two of them. 

            Then late that same night, around 10 p.m., she began coughing.  It was a strange cough, heart-wrenching with hacking in between.  After this lasted most of the night, I contemplated taking her to the vet in Nanning (3-hours away) because there are no vets in my area.  However, she seemed to recover a bit on Sunday so I thought maybe she was getting better.

          Yet once again, the cough started up in the night, non-stop and continuous.  I stayed with her while she lay in her travel carrier, which has always been her comfort zone.  Feeling bad?  Scared?  Unhappy? Into her travel carrier she’d go. 

           Monday morning, I taught my first class of the day then called a private taxi driver to take us immediately to the capital city.  My hope was that the vet could take good care of her.  I had every confidence she’d be just fine once she was in proper hands.   This illness was just too sudden to be life threatening, right?

            The vet clinic was near the hotel I stay at when swimming in Nanning.  I had found this clinic 3 years before, knowing that some day, I might need a good vet. 

            Dr. Zhang was a young man who had graduated 5 years ago from the Guangxi Agricultural College as a veterinarian.  His clinic was equipped with everything needed for basic needs in animal care.  I’d never had need of him before until now.           

            Dr. Zhang and his partner both took blood samples but the main report would take 4 hours to get back before they knew what treatment to give. It was around 4 p.m. at that time.  LF was hooked up to an IV and I thought she was in good, capable hands.  I decided to leave to teach class back in Longzhou the following day.  If I needed, I’d return to check on my dog the next day, even though it would be a 3-hour journey back again.

            That, of course, was a mistake. 

            LF died the next morning of heart failure, which was what the test results showed was wrong with her.  There was nothing anyone could do. No medicines to cure her.  Her little heart just gave out. 

            While there is some comfort that I could never have saved her, I will always regret that I left her by herself in a strange place to die all alone.  She must have wondered where I had gone.  I’m sure she waited expectantly for me to return. 

            I never did. 

            It still hurts to think about that so I try not to.    

 Coming Back to Longzhou

           After Dr. Zhang called me to say LF was no longer with us, I left for Nanning to bring her home.  I called our campus leader, Mr. Luo, to ask his permission to bury LF at the school.  He was very kind and said not a problem, only he didn’t want me to bury her in front of the administration building and no monument! 

            I thought that was rather funny. 

            The administration building has no grass around it so it would be rather difficult to bury her there.  And, secondly, I hadn’t thought about a monument or plaque of any kind. I just wanted to do it quietly, without any fanfare, in an out-of-the-way place.

            I guess, according to Dr. Zhang, some pet owners like a tombstone of some sort so they can visit every year to remember their pet.  He even told me he could arrange it outside of town if I wanted.  There are companies that do that sort of thing.  It wasn’t cheap, but it was available.

             Another option was for me to pay him 100 yuan (about $16) and he’d have someone come pick her up and bury her outside of town.  I wasn’t exactly sure about that one.  What if I paid him the requested amount, he called the person, handed over the 100 yuan and the person took the money then dumped the dog in a garbage can somewhere? 

            That’s why I brought her back to our campus so I’d know where she was.  I wasn’t about to let someone else take care of my little dog.  As a pet owner, that’s my responsibility.

 Our Little Burial:  The Final Farewell

             I was very grateful to have one of the English teachers here, Margaret (Zhou Ying), help me in this venture.  Margaret was LF’s sitter during my weekend trips to Nanning.  She would take care of her while I was gone.  I was Mother 1 and she was Mother 2 so it was only fitting that Little Flower’s two parents be present at her burial.

           Margaret was also gracious enough to borrow two shovels from the school supply room so we could work together after we found a proper site for LF’s final resting place.  We eventually chose behind my apartment building, under a tree.  From my back apartment windows, I could look out to see her every day if I wanted.

            Margaret and I took turns with our shovels.  It was a heavy job to dig a hole deep enough but we managed together. 

            Finally, it was time. 

Margaret (shown here) and I took turns digging for LF’s burial.

Me, saying goodbye to my little dog.

          LF was wrapped in a towel.  We said our goodbyes and then began filling the hole again with dirt. Margaret’s husband drove up on his scooter and helped us finish.  He understood the bond we both had with LF.  It was a kind gesture and I truly appreciated it.

Margaret’s husband showing his support for our loss.

It’s Hard

           After 10 years of having a companion in everything I did, it’s very hard to be without that special little someone around.  The Amity Foundation, my partner organization in China, does not allow teachers to have pets.  This rule was established 7 years ago.  But because I already had my little dog, an exception to the rule was made for me with the understanding that when LF died, I would not be able to have another one.

         I truly thought my dog and I had a few more years left before I would have to deal with such a sad situation but it looks like that wasn’t the case.  So I have to deal with it now.

          All I can say is, it’s hard. 

          I miss her.  She was the brightest spot in my day.  That empty place she left me with is difficult to fill right now.  

 Many Grateful Gifts In Life

           I am grateful to so many of my American friends who have sent their words of encouragement, telling me that it’s OK to feel sad and time will heal.   My students are also very sweet.  They have expressed their sympathy in little ways so as not to make me feel worse.  Teaching them and spending time with them brings me great joy.  And attending worship at our little Longzhou church every Sunday is yet another blessing in my life. 

             I was especially moved by the sellers in town who always asked about Little Flower on numerous occasions.  We sometimes went shopping together.  I would take her around to the meat market, the fruit stands, the candy seller and the bakery to pick up my favorite bread buns.  All of the sellers received the holiday photo of me and my dog together, which they placed in their stalls.  Whenever I stopped by, they’d point to the picture and smile.

            They still do, even though they know LF is no longer with me.

 The Kindest Gesture of All

            The candy seller, Ms. Tan, was truly touched when she heard about my dog.

            It had been our custom that, when LF and I came to her booth, she’d give my dog a free piece of hard candy.  LF loved hard candy.  She would sit on command and wait anxiously for me to unwrap it and give it to her.  Then she’d crunch it down while people stood around us, laughing, making comments and admiring her trick.

Ms. Tan, in her candy paradise, always gave away a butterscotch to LF on her visits.

            After LF’s death, I arrived at my usual candy place alone to pick up goodies for my students.

            “Where is Little Flower?” my seller asked cheerfully when I walked up to her area.

            “Oh, Little Flower died,” I told her sadly.

            “Little Flower died?!”

            “Yes.  It was her heart.  She was 10 years old, an old lady. Nothing I could do.  I feel really sad.”

             I loaded up the container baskets with candy selections while she silently watched me.

            After weighing all my handfuls, she calculated the cost to be 35 yuan ($5.55).  When I handed over the money, she waved off 5 yuan to round off my amount to an even 30.

            Nothing was said. She just gave me an understanding, sympathetic nod. 

           What an unexpected act of kindness:  55 cents of her much-needed profits, extended to me for the love of my little dog. 

            That, and the most generous condolence gesture I could ever receive:   a single, wrapped piece of butterscotch candy (LF’s favorite) which she hastily thrust into my hand as I departed.   A last gift for a beloved little dog, now barking in the great beyond.

            From Longzhou, here’s wishing you Ping An (Peace) for your day.

Little Flower’s last photo with Joe (left) and Tom (right).  Goodbye, Xiao Hua (Little Flower)!  You are really missed.